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Monday, August 30, 2010
WoWzA
11:56 PM | 
Posted by
╰☆╮Sapphire Ray╰☆╮
Wow it has been awhile since I last blogged been slacking on blogging along with alot of other things as well. Life has been crazy as usual doctors appointments for me,mom && the bestie. I have been trying to keep busy but that doesn't seem to be working at all. I am really wanting to get into doing Photography but its one hurdle after another. I am going to be doing my 2nd photo shoot later on this week hopefully fingers crossed && it is a maternity shoot. I am excited about doing it.
As for the going Active Duty ARMY Tony goes before the MMRB on the 12th of September so we are hoping they clear him fully to go Active. He has already signed his papers to break contract && well that is going to put us in the hole by $4375 cause he has to pay off the rest of his contract/bonus from 2006. That is all fine && dandy we will make it through that just as we have everything else that has been thrown our way in the past year! I still can't believe I have been married almost 9 months WOW where does the time go?? I miss Tony more then ever on some days. I have hit another low point with my mental state of mind but again I will overcome that I am just ready to hear baby I have orders. At the sametime I am so scared that the horrid "D" word of Deployment will end up in this equation && Tony is so worried that he isn't doing the right thing.
Again the past strikes again!! I mean seriously can my past leave me the hell alone && go bother someone else? I was thinking the other day wow haven't heard from Josh in a good while he hasn't shown up out of the blue or any of that go figure I get on facebook && there it is you have a friend request from Josh Thomas. Seriouly are you fucking kidding me?!?!?!? Well we were chatten last night && he is like confessing his love to me when he has a kid && is with the baby mama but yet he is telling me that my husband is a LUCKY MAN! Hello my husband knew that from the words Hello :) Josh went on to tell me that he is surprised that I still talk to him after what he did. He really didn't do anything other then break my heart big deal wasn't the first time. He went on to tell me that I still have a piece of his heart like I really care. I am married for heaven sake.
I have been so depressed && down the past few weeks some days are worse then others. I am off one of my meds cause I ran out && thought I had refills left I was wrong. But I don't want to rely on meds my whole life. I just openned up to a long time friend that I have been friends with since the 6th grade. She didn't judge which is wow a first! Most people judge me when I am trying to talk it all out. I have been having bad self esteem issues with my weight I keep going up in pants sizes && my face is so horriably broken out. I just feel so UGLY. I have dyed my hair an haven't taken any pictures to post my new look on my facebook cause I am ashamed of how I look. I have black heads galour && sores everywhere cause when I get pimples they never come to a head so they scab over :( I am really hating this I have tried so much to clear up my face.
I am going on the 9th for my annual female exam an again I am self concious with all that now as well cause I have a discharge that has an oder but doesn't at the sametime. I am just so UGH I am going to try && get on birth control an see if that helps clear up my face an regulate my periods so that once I get Tricare insurance Tony && I can get back to TTC just have to get my mind right first.
That is it for now the bestie is on her way home from work now to figure out what is for dinner....
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